A book review of Who Not Howby Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy.
This is a guest post contribution by Anne Peterson. Anne is a poet, speaker, and published author of 16 books, including a children’s books, poetry books, two memoirs.
I love to write. But sometimes writers find we put books out there, but people are not breaking down doors to buy our books. Okay, most of the time. But this book I’ve recently devoured will change all that. I’ve found out I’ve been asking the wrong question when it comes to wanting to succeed with my goal of getting my books before as many eyes as possible. Could it be that you have been asking the wrong question, too?
I’ve been asking How do I do this?
Instead of Who can help me with this?
Dan Sullivan and Benjamin Hardy’s book, Who Not Howis not just a good read, although that’s true as well. It is a revolutionary idea. It gets us to look at things differently.
“By asking this new and better question, you’ll start to make immediate progress toward even your biggest goals. You’ll have access to someone else’s time, knowledge, connections, and capability. You’ll stop being limited by yourself.”
That last paragraph is enough to chew on for quite a while. But before you misunderstand, and think you’ll be looking for what you can get from others, that’s not true at all. It’s a mutual arrangement that you’ll make. A win/win for sure. Peppered throughout the book are wonderful quotes from people we’ve all heard about. Like this one from Zig Ziglar.
“You can have everything in life you want, if you
will just help other people get what they want.”
It doesn’t mean we do everything they need, but instead, through our resources we create something even more wonderful than we would have created by ourselves.
Over and over Hardy doesn’t just tell us what we should do,
but explains step by step how to do it.
And even though I learned I was asking the wrong question, I felt free to admit I’ve been doing it wrong and I didn’t feel shamed at all. Perhaps because there was transparency by the author. He admitted it was something he needed to learn himself.
For so long, I have been comparing myself with others and getting frustrated wondering why things weren’t working out for me. It even got to the point that I had trouble being excited for fellow writers, as one by one, doors seemed to be opening for them. When was it my turn? Foolishly, I felt like I could not do anything to change that. After reading this book, I learned my thinking was faulty. This book made the playing field level, and coached me into seeing what I need to do about my life.
Another real plus for this book is that it doesn’t deal with one aspect of our lives alone, but all the pieces that make up the whole. It can help us in regards to our relationships, our finances, our fitness and even more areas.
I love stories. I think most writers do.
This book is full of them.
Stories about collaborations and how the two parties took the best of what they had and combined it to make an even better product. If you’ve ever thought of collaborating with someone you’ll find practical advice in this book.
Can I just tell you that I found this book highly motivational?
The fact that Benjamin Hardy benefited from his findings wasn’t enough for him. He had to take that motivation he felt and share in each and every page written.
I didn’t feel alone in this.
You could imagine if we were to share our goals and visions, he would be in the audience cheering us on.
While this book applies to many areas of our lives it was also a book that dared and encouraged us, to think huge. Almost as if anything we could imagine could be done. The bigger the better!
And then there were even more examples of those who practiced these principles and came out with flying colors.
When I first started writing
I remember I was a returning student.
I loved learning and being in class. It was different than in earlier years when attending was expected. When I’d get an assignment for any type of paper, I had to show self restraint and not get too excited. And getting feedback satisfied something deep inside of me. Being a returning student the gap in age between me and my instructors was small. Their encouragement fueled me making me want to soar.
Two of my instructors hosted poetry parties for me when they read my work. And in one of those parties eight women purchased one of my poems. A poem that later got me into a company back in 1996 that I still write for. When I read in Who Not How that one of the first steps is to articulate what it is you want to do. To write it out and then speak it. I immediately remembered doing just that. And the results they talked about in the book were the ones I experienced.
For me, this book was a wake up call. Somewhere along the line, I started realizing that I was doing something wrong. And it’s true. Because I was doing it all, but not very well. In his book, Hardy states instead of us doing everything and getting exhausted, we should concentrate on the things we love to do and find a person to do those things that we hate. Doesn’t that make you excited?
If that’s not enough…
Hardy states that there are people out there who would love to help in the areas we struggle with.
This was a book I will read again and again. I know my tendency is to try something then revert back to picking up the whole project myself.
“If you always do what you’ve always done, you always get what you’ve always got.”
Albert Einstein
The choice is ours. Will you stay on the treadmill? As for me, I’m getting off.
This is a guest post contribution by Anne Peterson. Today Anne helps us understand how keeping a journal keeping a journal helps writers. Anne is a poet, speaker, and published author of 16 books, including a children’s books, poetry books, two memoirs. Her most recent book is her second memoir entitled, Always There: Finding God’s Comfort Through Loss.
It started innocently. Someone shared how they enjoyed writing in a journal and suggested I might also enjoy it. How hard could writing in a journal be? You make an entry every day and write what you feel like writing.
Little did I realize it at the time, but writing in a journal was extremely helpful. And I have a bunch of journals to prove it.
When the words won’t come
Whether you want to call it writer’s block or you have another name for it, sometimes words do not flow. Journal writing is an effective way to get my creative juices flowing. As simplistic as it sounds, it really did help.
As a returning student, one day in an English class, I sat there trying to put something on the paper before me. But instead of the words pouring out of me, I had nothing. Zilch. Zero. And so I just started writing what I was feeling…
I don’t know what to write. I don’t know what to write.
Over and over I repeated that sentence. I didn’t feel foolish, at least no one else knew of my struggle. And then, all of a sudden the door of my mind opened and words started tripping over each other, trying to get out. And journaling helped me more than one occasion.
A great storage place
Writing in a journal gave me a place I could just let my mind unwind. And when I did some free writing, I found myself going at it in full force. I didn’t have any direction as yet, but that was okay. I concentrated on just getting the words out on paper. I could store them there until I knew exactly what I wanted to do with them.
I’m a poet and I find it interesting that some of my best poems started in a journal. I felt free to sit and reflect with no pressure. Just like when we were kids and we would lay on the ground outside looking up at the cloud shapes and trying to imagine what they were. No pressure, just reflection.
An emotional outlet
Sometimes we’ve got ideas, but we struggle to get in touch with them right away. This is where I’ve found it’s helpful to just write them out.
Are you angry? Then go at it. And use all the exclamation points you desire. Are you sad? Then go ahead and get those melancholy words out, you may even find you feel better afterwards.
Sometimes as writers we need to grease the machinery to get it moving with ease. At those times, I do free writing. Whatever pops in my mind ends up on my paper. And I usually feel energized once that happens and I sometimes have trouble stopping. And that’s a good problem to have.
Whether we are blocked in our writing, we want a convenient place to store ideas, or we need to vent, journaling is a great idea. Then we’ll be free to do the thing we’re meant to do—write.
We gently coax words out, directing them where they should go as we pepper punctuation here and there. And then our story starts to take shape. There may be times we have to exclude some words, and they may not be happy about it. But if we’re gentle, we can convince them we may be able to use them at a later time.
Writing is a privilege
Writing is not a hobby for me. I see it as a calling. Something I was made to do. In fact, I was only in 5th grade when I discovered my love of writing. Miss Farnsworth had just told us that there would be a contest. We were to write a creative essay or poem. It could be about anything we chose.
The idea came to me after a few moments. I’d write about my Shadow. How my shadow followed me everywhere. At the end of my paper, I revealed my shadow was really my 3 year old brother, Steve.
Turning in my paper, I smiled inwardly. I sure wanted to win, but even if I didn’t. I had so much fun writing my piece.
The next day she announced the winners.Three were chosen. Barbara Edgecomb wrote a poem about Babies, I think Kenneth Dobson wrote a winning piece as well. My heart started racing as I waited to hear the third and final winner.
Did she really call my name? I was overjoyed. The prize was that we all got to go downtown Chicago to read our pieces on WBEZ, the educational radio channel. It truly was a thrill, but more importantly, it was then I realized my love for writing. I take writing seriously. I believe everyone has a voice. One that needs to be heard.
And I’m doing my very best to fulfill that calling. But writing is not just something I like doing. I have to write. For me, it’s like breathing.
Your turn. Let us know in the comments;
Do you keep a journal?
How has journal writing helped you become a better writer?
This is an article contribution by Anne Peterson. In this post Anne encourages you to tell your story and explains how doing this can offer hope to others.
Some stories we know by heart. That’s what happens when you tell them over and over.
The facts are: My sister was a victim of domestic violence. She disappeared September 12, 1982. We never saw her again.
I set out to write her story, when God told me, “I want you to share your story too.”
I said yes to God because I knew my husband would never agree. And then things became very real. Mike said, “If you think our story will help someone, do it.”
Some may wonder, Why in the world would anybody write a book about abuse? This is why.
Because it’s a true story
My sister, Peggy and me
There are a lot of good stories out there. They make us laugh and cry, but there’s something about stories that are true. We read them and say, “Yeah, me too.” Broken is one of those stories.
When our stories are fiction we can end them as we wish. Unfortunately,we can’t do the same with real life stories. But that doesn’t mean there can’t be things we gain, lessons learned.
There are a lot of broken people out there. And who better to write a story about being broken, than someone who is?
I wanted this book to be real, like life. But not so heavy it keeps the reader in the pain. I also tucked hope within the pages. Yes, you will read about struggles, but you’ll also read about victories and growth.
We’re told without hope, the people perish. All of us need hope. And when I wrote this book, the word hope was not even in the title. I changed it because readers kept telling me, “It’s a book that gives hope.” And that’s what I wanted.
All of us need encouragement. We need to know the thing we’re going through will not devour us. We need to believe we can get through it and that there is something better on the other side.
Sometimes we feel like we have no strength. And coming from a dysfunctional background, those lies are instilled in us.
Where we came from does not have to dictate where we end up.
Our choices carry a lot of weight. More than we realize. One decision opens a set of doors while another opens a completely different set.
But maybe some of you have never been abused. You have no idea what it would be like to grow up in a home like that. Is this a book for you to read as well? Yes.
Because not everyone has been abused, there are a lot of misconceptions about abuse. This book will give you insight to what that world is like.
If you know someone who you suspect was abused, it will help you to understand what they may have gone through, or what they are going through now.
We can relate better if we can seek to understand the other person. Then we can empathize.
Why I wrote this book
So, why did I open up my life and put it between the pages of this book, knowing there would be some who would not understand? And some who would criticize me for doing it?
Because it just might help someone. It might give someone the courage to make a hard decision. To get help or get out.
My sister was a beautiful person. She died 36 years ago trying to get out of her marriage. But she waited too long.
If you’re in an abusive situation, please don’t wait.
Call to Action:
If you know someone who would benefit from this article, please share.
Help me be a voice for my sister.
Previously published on Medium and used with permission of its author Anne Peterson.
This is a guest post contribution by Anne Peterson. She is a writer and the published author of 14 books. Today she shares her story of how writing from a broken heart opened new doors of opportunity for her.
How I got my poetry into stores…
“You have to do something with this,” my friend Arlyce said, hearing me recite one of my poems.
“Why don’t you take some of your poetry and put Mike’s art with it?”
Arlyce knew my husband was an artist. She also knew I loved to write.
I stood there, taking in her words, something that never occurred to me.
A couple of weeks later, Mike and I stood in a small print shop waiting.
We watched as our first piece of poetry art come eased out of the printer. We beamed at our creation.
And when I showed the finished pieces to our friends, they got excited too.
At that time, I was a returning student. Off to school, I’d go with books and a framed poetry piece under my arm.
Sometimes I came home with books and a check.
My English instructor loved my work.
An invitation to share
“Anne, I wonder if you’d be open to coming to my house and sharing your work with some of my friends?”
Was she kidding? I would love to do something like that.
And poetry parties were born.
I created invitations she mailed to her friends. Her house made the perfect intimate setting. I could sure learn to love this. And I did.
At the poetry parties, I sat, sharing my life experiences which led to the poems. People connected and then they’d buy the pieces.
Another open door
Another friend said, “I’d like to have an open house for you. I’ll take care of the guest list, you just come and share.
And so I did. It was a great time of connection and five women all bought copies of my one poem, I’d Marry You Again. At that time, I offered about a dozen or so different poems with different illustrations.
At the bottom of that piece was Mike’s drawing of our hands. A piece he drew while we held hands.
My friend, Nancy told me, “I’m going to show this to my boss, Lynn.”
“That’s fine,” I answered. But inside, my mind had been made up. I wanted to write, but I didn’t really want to write for anyone else.
Two days later Lynn Parker, owner of Creative Calligraphy wanted to meet with me.
“I have a proposal for you,” Lynn told me. I half-listened. It’s hard when we make up our minds and then close them.
After looking at our pieces they made an offer. They would pay me monthly for the use of my poetry. And later it would revert to royalties.
“Mike, I feel funny. Like I’m abandoning you,” I shared with him.
“I think it’s great they are interested, I think you should do it,” he responded.
And so I became one of the writers for a company. I did what I thought I would never do. I stretched my metal mind.
More than just a show
One fall, my friend Jenny called me, “Are you going to be in the craft show? There will be so many people there.”
It was true, Sycamore was the pumpkin town. Everyone came to the Pumpkin Fest. But the money was so tight.
“No. I don’t have the money,” I answered, as my face warmed with embarrassment.
“You have to be in it, Anne,” Jenny insisted. “I’d be glad to pay your fee.”
And so I agreed. Mike and I worked long hours, matting the pieces, putting them in sleeves and even framing some of them. A woven basket held our matted pieces. A friend made me tablecloths that went to the floor making my display look great.
Another good friend offered us a display unit to use, as well as their van for transporting.
I was tired after the two-day show. I sold $350.00 worth of poetry. And heard such words of encouragement. Had I found my niche?
A couple of days later, in the mail, I received a card with a handwritten note in it.
“You don’t know me, my name is John Larson. My mother-in-law recently saw your work at a craft show in Sycamore. She told me, ‘You gotta see this woman’s work.’ And I was wondering if you’d be kind enough to meet me.
A couple of days later I received a call. Scared, but curious, I agreed to meet with John. He owned a large gift company, Dexsa, which produced poetry on plaques. I still remember how I felt when John left our house with my notebook of poetry.
What are you doing? You don’t even know this guy and now he has your work.
Sometimes our thoughts can plague us. And sometimes we listen and we don’t take chances.
My visit with John resulted in another opportunity to earn money with my poetry.
One time, Mike and I were in a Hallmark store when Mike spotted one of my pieces. He picked it up and walked to the cashier, smiling big. “My wife wrote this.”
I just melted inside.
More movement
Sometimes when good things happen, they bring other good things along with them.
John introduced me to a sister company. The James Lawrence Company. A company I also wrote for, in fact, still write for.
I remember doing a paper when I was in college. I called it, To Publish or not to Publish; a Poet’s Dilemma.
My research was discouraging. It said a poet cannot expect to make money writing poetry.
In my stubbornness, I thought, just watch me.
Creatives often find others who are less than encouraging with their decision to follow their passion.
You’ll need a side job.
You’ll never make it.
Comments such as these echo in your ears, sometimes making it hard to continue on.
But I knew going in, I might not make it big with writing poetry. I had another reason I was doing it. I wanted my words to make a difference for others.
And I was fortunate enough to see this happen over and over again. But that will be another post.
One poem
My telephone rang. I didn’t recognize the voice, “Is this Anne Peterson? I was told you might know where I could get a copy of the poem, I Have These Holes.”
“I wrote that poem in 1994,” I started.
“Wait,” he interrupted, I’m talking to the author?”
“May I ask you, where you saw my poem?” I asked.
“In a funeral home.”
I had one more question. “May I ask, who did you lose?”
“My son.” He responded quietly.
“Oh, I’m so sorry. When did you lose him?”
His response made me catch my breath.“Just a few days ago and then I saw your poem and I cannot get it out of my mind.”
Our words can touch others. They can slip into those places where nothing else can go.
That’s why it’s important to share our work, even it if comes from our own broken hearts.
Call to Action
What is your passion?
What obstacles are keeping you from pursuing it?
I’d love to hear from you.
Note: This post has been previously published on medium.com and has been used with the permission of its author Anne Peterson.
While this book applies to many areas of our lives it was also a book that dared and encouraged us, to think huge. Almost as if anything we could imagine could be done. The bigger the better!
